THE SESSIONS

When Sex Is About More Than Sex

Photo Property of Fox Searchlight Pictures

‘The Sessions’, written and directed by Ben Lewin, sensitively portrays the longings, and poignant loneliness, of Mark O’Brien - a poet and journalist disabled by polio at age 6, living in an iron lung.  On the surface, ‘The Sessions’ is a story about sex surrogacy, sex in the disabled, and Mark O’Brien’s determination to lose his virginity and experience sex like any other man.  But, is ‘The Sessions’ really about sex?  At a deep level, I don’t think so.  

Sex, of course, is an important part of anyone’s life.  But, sex brings with it a host of other needs and feelings.  In Mark O’Brien’s case, intercourse wasn’t the only thing he wanted to achieve. Mostly, he was trying to overcome excruciating feelings of being unlovable; of believing no one wanted to touch him.  As he said himself in “On Seeing a Sex Surrogate”: “I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be held, caressed, and valued. But my self-hatred and fear were too intense . . . I doubted I deserved to be loved.” 

Before I went to see ‘The Sessions’, I watched, on YouTube, a short Academy Award-winning documentary called ‘Breathing Lessons’, made in 1996 by Jennifer Yu. Yu captured a very emotionally open Mark O’Brien – and showed, in raw detail, his excruciating self-hatred and feelings of ugliness.  Apparently, this documentary significantly influenced the movie and John Hawke’s development of the Mark O’Brien character.  But, after watching ‘Breathing Lessons’, I felt ‘The Sessions’ fell short of showing Mark’s real internal struggle.  How trapped, he was, not only inside the iron lung and a body whose muscles did not cooperate with his desires - but, more so, in his loneliness; in his belief that he was someone who couldn’t be loved.

Mark O’Brien did find love; not just sex. He found it, in spite of a self-hatred that might have made him shrink away from what he needed the most.  How did he do it?  He didn’t give up on himself.  I wouldn’t say he was optimistic exactly – at least ‘Breathing Lessons’ showed something quite close to hopelessness.  But, what he did have was a very strong will.  And, he didn’t deny his feelings, which his poetry gave him an outlet to express.  Sometimes, even, he was unabashedly open.  

It’s hard to stay open, when self-hatred is consuming – and, if anything, ‘The Sessions’ made it look a little too easy. Perhaps, that’s Hollywood. But, ‘The Sessions’, and most importantly, Mark’s life, did show the kind of courage and determination necessary to overcome those unrealistic self-hating feelings that can seem all too convincing.  Mark and ‘The Sessions’ (the movie and Cheryl Cohen Greene’s help) prove it’s not impossible.   Mark O’Brien’s life sends a strong message:  Never give up on what you want. 

This post was originally published on Dr. Jennifer Kunst's blog, Headshrinker's Guide To The Galaxy