IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE

Photo of George Bailey's Despair from "It's A Wonderful Life" 1946

If You Can Live For Yourself

Life isn’t so wonderful when you sacrifice yourself for other people.  Of course, friends are essential; and I certainly don’t disagree with George Bailey’s guardian angel, Clarence Odbody, that  “no man is a failure who has friends”. But, friends can’t be everything. And, this isn’t 1946. Our culture supports things like individuation and a certain degree of selfishness when it comes to making choices about how to live your life. But, if you are even a little like George Bailey - that doesn’t always come easily.

This year, I found myself watching “It’s A Wonderful Life” with my analyst’s eye. Granted, I’ve watched this movie countless times and, I’m sure like many of you, got swept up in the compellingly simple message that a happy life isn’t about monetary riches but about the people in it; those we touch and who touch us. But, this time I was very clear. I wouldn’t want to be George Bailey. Nor would I help any of my patients to become like him.

No question – George is an admirable person.  He cares deeply and, as far back as childhood, has an unusual sensitivity to the feelings of others.  This is a wonderful thing. But, this quality also has its downside. If someone else needs something, George all too quickly gives up his plans and goals – his college education, his desire to strike out into his own life; even his honeymoon.

If we look at the movie closely (and not from its heart-warming, but idealized ending), things get worse and worse for George. He gets poorer - not to mention terribly depressed. No one can continually put aside everything they want, and expect to be happy. The frustration, anger, or hopelessness will build up; no matter how loving you might be.

Why would this happen? Why would you, or someone else, put other people consistently first, like George Bailey does? Is it because its been expected of you, or you’ve been told you are selfish (or worse) if you don’t? Maybe you feel you are doing something terribly wrong if you even think about saying, ‘No’.  Or, perhaps, you have to say, “Yes” – out of conviction that, if you don’t, you won’t be loved. That someone will be angry with you. And, never want to see you again.

What are the lessons in “It’s A Wonderful Life”? Sometimes others come first – and sometimes they can’t.  Strike a reasonable balance. You can’t be a happy, satisfied, optimistic person if you don’t think of yourself a good part of the time.

Clarence was right to show George what life would be without him; but I’d like to look at this in a slightly different way. George was absent from his own life – and he was worse off because of it. What he really needed to do – was to show up for himself. Don’t be too much like George Bailey; caring, yes. But not self-sacrificing. Just because your friends will step in, in a crisis – doesn’t mean that that’s enough.